The pandemic forced us to adapt to drastic changes in 3 months; changes that usually happen in the course of 5 years. The emotional, financial and psychological rollercoaster that is 2020 is that part of the history books you never thought you’d be in. But we’re here, not much closer to the end of the year, and I’m just rediscovering why we keep going.
I re-watched FIFA World Cup 2014 on a Tuesday night until well after midnight. A big part of the world cup are the fans and spectators filling the stadium. Halfway through the highlights, I realized many of those in the stands, are probably gone.
Things happened at our wedding exactly the way we wanted to. Then there are things that we never wanted to happen at all.
What was your motif? What was your gown made of? Did the men wear barong or suits?
There was no motif. There was no gown. Barongs and suits were not among the options.
I took a break for a month but I’m still tired. It was a total of 5 weeks. The 1st and 2md weeks were for going to job interviews and deciding which career opportunity to take. By the 3rd week, I was free. The change excited me and I filled my calendar with freelance work, exercising and planning for our wedding. I was so busy that I forgot I was supposed to rest. I got so mad at myself for having kept myself busy that I ended up wasting time forcing myself to do nothing. Because I did nothing, I ended up feeling guilty for wasting time. I took it easy on my 4th week with one major task per day and traveled with the family. It was my last day of rest when this entry was drafted. Sure, I got a few things out of the way but sadly, I’m disappointed that I didn’t do more with the time I had because I chose to “rest”.
What have I done to think that resting means cheating on myself?
There used to be a sports news on cable TV called Sports Central whose casters turned quips into headlines. About 11 years ago, they told me a story that was more than just football. Before that, I didn't care much about the sport. Just like most Filipinos, 90 minutes is too long to see only 2 points scored. But on October 2006, a match between Chelsea FC and Reading saw two injured goal keepers and a captain who did more than was expected. That has been one of my inspirations in leadership and teamwork, and that match turned me into a fan.
When people complain, my usual response is that we always have a choice. The choices that we make lead us to where we are and if there’s anyone we ought to thank and blame, it’s ourselves. In the case of my weight problem, I can't say the same thing. I don't even know where to begin but let’s go with the facts.
First of all, it’s not a medical problem. My OB wants me down 15lbs lighter to a flat 100lbs but at my age and height, I’m well within the 105 to 130lbs range, extreme ranges but who am I to argue with calculator.net. It never was this much of a problem in the beginning. It was a gradual understanding that certain weights aren’t acceptable to most. I was raised to think that how I look will always outweigh my abilities. It wasn’t difficult to understand, it was everywhere and I had so many experiences of my own where I was at my best but they only remember how I look. I would sit in front of class, sharp as I am and outdo everyone else, but when I leave they talk about how pitiful my smarts were because I was fat. I would attend a meeting about how our international training went and be told by one of the officers how much I gained while I was there.
I woke up with painfully dry eyes, stuffy nose and sleep lines on my cheeks that will take quite some time to smoothen out. I was never a morning person but I’ve learned to be what I’m naturally not to get by, get through and get ahead. So that day, a week day, I convinced myself that I was a morning person with a glass of water and a sip of hot coffee. As CNN blurted out the worst things that happened the night before, I enjoyed the rest of that gratifying cup of instant coffee and scrolled through my Facebook feed – parties in new bars, trips to Japan, prenup photos and parents gushing over their babies. The world that I identified myself with was only real in my phone screen, never when I look up.
The year has been busy being cruel to the world and it felt detached from me for the most part. But detached in a rather comfortable way that it left me to be without putting much pressure on what I should be next. I’m a planner, so living in the now is a fleeting state if I’m not at my best. This 2016, I let myself be taken by my usual diligence and determination in as much influence as my whims and thoughts. Only an introvert can fully appreciate the wholeness of self that comes with being at peace with her thoughts. And it was just a proper send off to 2016 to celebrate the Holidays in the same way.
"only an introvert can fully apprecate the wholeness of self that comes with being at peace with her thoughts."
I have not met a diver who is not proud of being a diver. Not only is it an expensive hobby, but there are only a few who can officially claim they are scuba divers – it’s like an exclusive club. So yeah, I’m proud to be part of that club! Like what I wrote before, I try to keep mum about it for several reasons but speaking to divers like us and those who plan to be is exhilarating.
Do you know people who scuba dive? Do they talk about scuba diving a lot? Do they find ways to put diving in drunk or sober conversations? Do you have moments staring at them wondering why they are so incomprehensibly obsessed with it?
Read: 14 Signs You’re a Dedicated Diver
We started a few years ago in Panglao, gave it a go in Apo Reef and Anilao Batangas. We got our PADI Open Water Diver license last year then our PADI Advanced Open Water Diver license just this summer with the help of our Dive Master, Victor Mandin of Tropical Divers in Panglao Bohol. We celebrated our success in Balicasag Reef in Balicasag Island. But even after all that, I’m still not too hot about Scuba Diving.
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